We live in modern times, folks. A woman is empowered. She can now do it all! (The "now" threaded with sarcasm. She's been doing it all. And if she was of a lower economical class, then she's really been doing it all, for a long while.). Prepare dinner, clean the house, diaper and feed the baby, and clock in to pay her own bills. In our perfect American idealist world this is a very modern phenomenon. I have to say, there are many days where I yearn for a Cleaver past. Where I could sweep with perfect pin-curls and be with my daughter from one sunrise to the next. My feminist psyche says it wouldn't be like this--I would be at the mercy of a man, expected to work for him. I ask her if she gets it, when we're clocking in for work. Doesn't she get that I want to work for motherhood (and writerhood)? That I want to solely be the writer-animal activist-mother that portray on social media? I never hashtag corporate-lyfe.
It's not part of my brand.
I've been fortunate, postpartum, to be able to balance my personal self and the self that pays mundane bills. I have been able to do a job centered around things I'm interested in, so even when I wish I was just a paid-writer/stay-at-home mother, I'm okay with what I do.
To a point.
I think a lot of mothers face this dilemma. What are our priorities? How do we balance our working-selves with our mother-selves? How does ambition fit into your life as a mother? I mean, I truly believe it is in our biology to feel torn. Mothers shouldn't have to leap back into the work force six, twelve, even 20 weeks after they give birth. It's the reason many quit breastfeeding (pumps kinda stop working, eventually. I'm faced with that issue now. Your body wants the baby!); it's the cause for stressing about childcare costs; it affects your ability to mother at times, because you are drained from the work schedule, tasks, etc. Sure, plenty of moms do it, and well, but working motherhood is not an innate instinct. Does it ever feel natural to stop your baby from eating because you'll be late for your shift? Does it feel natural to mold your baby's happiness and attention around a work schedule?
I'm not saying that once you're a mother, that is the only identity you have. I'm still a writer. I still am an animal activist. And sometimes it's nice to be with friends and be the pre-mom you. These other identities are easily shaped around motherhood. I write while she naps. I babywear at protests. Social time is planned around my baby's schedule. I haven't lost my ambition. In fact, after Tallulah, it has become stronger. My writing has flourished, and I have stuck to my writer-routine for the longest time since childhood. Going to work is different. It's a schedule mandated by corporate-heads and sales and regulations. Babies' schedules are shaped around the work schedule, not the other way around--and it's unnatural.
Europe gets this. They get that a new mother can/will return to her former work-self, just not when her child is a newborn. Babies need that time with their moms, and moms need the time to focus on that role. It's imperative to a developing baby and to her maternal esteem. But, we aren't there yet. We have to celebrate the employee pumping rooms and little time we are fortunate to have. These are successes, but not stretching far enough.
So, what is a US-bound working mother to do? Power through, waiting for school-age and the mom-child routine to become parallel? Quit her job and hope for the best? I do think there are other options. I've found a lot of success when I'm home working on projects, shifting the tasks around Tallulah's schedule. Maybe that's where my answer is. Or maybe not.
Working-mothers, how do you balance ambition/motherhood/out-of-home job?
Family does not have a narrow definition.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
The Esteem of Motherhood
Have you heard of Mom Bods? The internet has pictorial lists celebrating the feat of motherhood-- showing non-airbrushed women flaunting their stretch marks, engorged breasts, newfound roundness, and shifted body parts. I love these lists; I love these women and think they're beautiful and confident and have done something great with their bodies--creating a new life. But I don't feel the same about my own reflection. The scale tells me I'm the heaviest I've ever been, even larger than my awkward high school self. I despise the way I gorge from my clothing--with pudgy skin or giant pieces of bra fabric. My hair hasn't been dyed since finding out I was pregnant and I know I don't care for a natural look. Beneath my eyes are permanent indents, scars of sleepless nights. I find myself sifting through old photos, remembering when my hair was bright and fun and I was taking up less physical space. It's a guilty, covert act. Having a baby is a beautiful, endearing experience that I never regret--but why did motherhood have to make me so fat and frumpy?
Motherhood begets inertia. Some days you are too exhausted to think or move. Nursing is a sedentary task. There's many hours of sitting in a chair while baby eats at their own pace, usually in slow motion. You sit there for forty-five minutes while they slow-suckle their snack, and then they're hungry thirty minutes later. Like I said, it's sedentary. Add to the mix that Tallulah was born right before cold weather swarmed in, and you don't have much exercise in your regimen. Still, I tried. I took a baby wearing barre class. Once the weather warmed up I took advantage of early wakeup times and walked for an hour. I always take the stairs. I eat a lot of vegetables (although, as all nursing mothers will tell you, your serving sizes increase. Lactation stretches your appetite to a level you never knew existed). I drink my weight in water. My scale doesn't budge. That repulsive number stays the same, in the same glaring, red, digital font. Some mothers credit nursing to helping them melt into their former self. I'm not one of those mothers.
Unwanted Weight makes your clothing look bad (so does nursing, really. Everything is based on how quick you can access your boobs to feed your baby). It doesn't help the under eye circles or mom-hair either. But it isn't all Unwanted Weight's fault.
Time is no longer yours.
That makes for speedy showers and mornings of baby wearing while you try to drag the mascara wand above your eyes. Putting on decent makeup means taking advantage of a baby nap, which may or may not happen. It also means that may be all you get to do--and I like using baby naps to write, and sometimes have to use them to clean. My appearance suffers. This same factor affects my hair. I stopped dyeing my hair during pregnancy to avoid chemicals. I still don't want the chemical aroma floating around the house, but there are other reasons I don't start painting my boring brown color with something vibrant and true to myself. Again, time is no longer yours. Nor is it certain. I could coat my hair in dye and be rushed to a baby who woke up early from her nap. When would I rinse it out? I don't like this natural look, but I'm not ready for bald either. I peruse pinterest for hairspiration, knowing that I would need to go to a salon to get these looks. That could mean extra babysitting, or several hours away when I need to pump or nurse, or an amount that is hard to pay when you were used to playing beauty parlor in your own bathroom.
I opted for eyelash extensions instead.
I've had them for a week and am already feeling the pangs of them not being long for my world. To keep them at their best, you have to make frequent trips to the salon. The trips aren't super long, but they still mean finding someone to watch the baby and a piece of your own time is now delegated to another chair. There's stories to write and litterboxes to change and breathing to be had. I'll enjoy them while they last.
Have I reached a solution to this self mom-bod shaming? No, not exactly. I can tell myself that it isn't permanent and that it's more important to enjoy time with my daughter (DUH). It doesn't mean that I won't cringe at my reflection or see an old photo and say, "Man, I looked so much better before." It doesn't mean life was better. Not at all. It's way better now. I just need to avoid mirrors and cameras. Well, unless I'm holding the cutest-baby-ever in my arms. Then we're all about mirrors and cameras.
 |
| Before: When priorities were skewed, but I looked cool. |
Motherhood begets inertia. Some days you are too exhausted to think or move. Nursing is a sedentary task. There's many hours of sitting in a chair while baby eats at their own pace, usually in slow motion. You sit there for forty-five minutes while they slow-suckle their snack, and then they're hungry thirty minutes later. Like I said, it's sedentary. Add to the mix that Tallulah was born right before cold weather swarmed in, and you don't have much exercise in your regimen. Still, I tried. I took a baby wearing barre class. Once the weather warmed up I took advantage of early wakeup times and walked for an hour. I always take the stairs. I eat a lot of vegetables (although, as all nursing mothers will tell you, your serving sizes increase. Lactation stretches your appetite to a level you never knew existed). I drink my weight in water. My scale doesn't budge. That repulsive number stays the same, in the same glaring, red, digital font. Some mothers credit nursing to helping them melt into their former self. I'm not one of those mothers.
 |
| Before (again): With my brother, after my ten year journey to my BA was over. And I thought i was fat then. |
Unwanted Weight makes your clothing look bad (so does nursing, really. Everything is based on how quick you can access your boobs to feed your baby). It doesn't help the under eye circles or mom-hair either. But it isn't all Unwanted Weight's fault.
Time is no longer yours.
That makes for speedy showers and mornings of baby wearing while you try to drag the mascara wand above your eyes. Putting on decent makeup means taking advantage of a baby nap, which may or may not happen. It also means that may be all you get to do--and I like using baby naps to write, and sometimes have to use them to clean. My appearance suffers. This same factor affects my hair. I stopped dyeing my hair during pregnancy to avoid chemicals. I still don't want the chemical aroma floating around the house, but there are other reasons I don't start painting my boring brown color with something vibrant and true to myself. Again, time is no longer yours. Nor is it certain. I could coat my hair in dye and be rushed to a baby who woke up early from her nap. When would I rinse it out? I don't like this natural look, but I'm not ready for bald either. I peruse pinterest for hairspiration, knowing that I would need to go to a salon to get these looks. That could mean extra babysitting, or several hours away when I need to pump or nurse, or an amount that is hard to pay when you were used to playing beauty parlor in your own bathroom.
I opted for eyelash extensions instead.
I've had them for a week and am already feeling the pangs of them not being long for my world. To keep them at their best, you have to make frequent trips to the salon. The trips aren't super long, but they still mean finding someone to watch the baby and a piece of your own time is now delegated to another chair. There's stories to write and litterboxes to change and breathing to be had. I'll enjoy them while they last.
 |
| Now: Tired and makeup-less and feeling out of place in my skin. But, SO in love with this little baby. I'd rather be a gargoyle than without her. |
Have I reached a solution to this self mom-bod shaming? No, not exactly. I can tell myself that it isn't permanent and that it's more important to enjoy time with my daughter (DUH). It doesn't mean that I won't cringe at my reflection or see an old photo and say, "Man, I looked so much better before." It doesn't mean life was better. Not at all. It's way better now. I just need to avoid mirrors and cameras. Well, unless I'm holding the cutest-baby-ever in my arms. Then we're all about mirrors and cameras.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Vegan Parents: Healthy Choice or Ethical Necessity?
Blogs are excellent dinner resources. I have some favorites, one of which is Oh, She Glows. I like that she focuses on healthier vegan choices--which appeal to me at this point in my life.
Let me say, though. I never chose vegan to be healthy. I chose a vegan life after becoming vegetarian a few years prior. I became a vegetarian because I didn't want to eat animals, because I loved them and believed that they were not meant for my consumption. Veganism was a choice made after learning more about the animal-exploitation market. It isn't just about meat. It's about dairy, entertainment, textiles, beauty and household products, etcetera.
But, I digress.
Back to Oh, She Glows--and the blogger, Angela Liddon. Her and I were pregnant the same time, and I enjoyed following our almost parallel paths. Funny, we intersected at delivery; our daughters were born only a day apart. It was like having a virtual mom-friend who believed the same things you did. It was awesome!
Angela recently posted about whether or not she would raise her daughter vegan. I've been asked this question repeatedly--I think anyone who has read this knows the answer, too. I've been judged as "forcing" Tallulah to be vegan. Don't all parents teach their children values--whether through religion or personal choice? Don't all parents choose the foods their children will eat? Don't all parents choose what they find acceptable entertainment for their children? Why should a vegan parent be any different. I find it unethical to consume animals, make them perform at a circus, or to chase them down in a hunt. As a parent, I want to instill this value to Tallulah. I will explain why we don't eat meat, drink dairy, or wear leather. She can make her own decisions at some point, but not at three or four or even seven--because what kid at that age does? If, at sixteen, she decides my reasons are invalid and she wants to eat hamburgers and go to the zoo--I suppose she could take her own money and do those things; but, my intuition tells me she won't. Isn't that what all parents hope for--that their children grow with the values they fostered in them? That's my view on vegan parenting, anyway.
Angela Liddon did have a different view--which she is entitled to. She says she doesn't want to restrict her daughter or force anything on her. Plus, Angela's husband isn't vegan and she doesn't want to separate them. I politely disagree with her stance, but, again, it is her choice.
The vegan community was confused. One of their bloggers seemed to be apathetic to the animal suffering that they thought was ubiquitous in the community. Her post caused arguments--what is it to be vegan? What is it to be a vegan parent?
There doesn't seem to be one definition anymore.
To me, vegan will always be a lifestyle based on ethics. It isn't just about food. However, the food part has become mainstream with people wanting healthier lifestyles. I'm happy about that because it means less animals slaughtered. It also saddens me because I worry the true definition is fading beneath the health appeal.
Bottom line: Vegan is healthier and I plan on feeding lots of kale to Tallulah. But I also plan to go beyond that. She's a kid who will sometimes want junk--it will just be vegan junk. I'll tell her that sugar isn't for everyday and we chose these items because they didn't have animal products in them.
That's my view on vegan parenting.
Let me say, though. I never chose vegan to be healthy. I chose a vegan life after becoming vegetarian a few years prior. I became a vegetarian because I didn't want to eat animals, because I loved them and believed that they were not meant for my consumption. Veganism was a choice made after learning more about the animal-exploitation market. It isn't just about meat. It's about dairy, entertainment, textiles, beauty and household products, etcetera.
But, I digress.
Back to Oh, She Glows--and the blogger, Angela Liddon. Her and I were pregnant the same time, and I enjoyed following our almost parallel paths. Funny, we intersected at delivery; our daughters were born only a day apart. It was like having a virtual mom-friend who believed the same things you did. It was awesome!
Angela recently posted about whether or not she would raise her daughter vegan. I've been asked this question repeatedly--I think anyone who has read this knows the answer, too. I've been judged as "forcing" Tallulah to be vegan. Don't all parents teach their children values--whether through religion or personal choice? Don't all parents choose the foods their children will eat? Don't all parents choose what they find acceptable entertainment for their children? Why should a vegan parent be any different. I find it unethical to consume animals, make them perform at a circus, or to chase them down in a hunt. As a parent, I want to instill this value to Tallulah. I will explain why we don't eat meat, drink dairy, or wear leather. She can make her own decisions at some point, but not at three or four or even seven--because what kid at that age does? If, at sixteen, she decides my reasons are invalid and she wants to eat hamburgers and go to the zoo--I suppose she could take her own money and do those things; but, my intuition tells me she won't. Isn't that what all parents hope for--that their children grow with the values they fostered in them? That's my view on vegan parenting, anyway.
Angela Liddon did have a different view--which she is entitled to. She says she doesn't want to restrict her daughter or force anything on her. Plus, Angela's husband isn't vegan and she doesn't want to separate them. I politely disagree with her stance, but, again, it is her choice.
The vegan community was confused. One of their bloggers seemed to be apathetic to the animal suffering that they thought was ubiquitous in the community. Her post caused arguments--what is it to be vegan? What is it to be a vegan parent?
There doesn't seem to be one definition anymore.
To me, vegan will always be a lifestyle based on ethics. It isn't just about food. However, the food part has become mainstream with people wanting healthier lifestyles. I'm happy about that because it means less animals slaughtered. It also saddens me because I worry the true definition is fading beneath the health appeal.
That's my view on vegan parenting.
Life With a Vegan Baby: Changing up the Blog Look
I started this blog when I was pregnant. My whole existence ran on weeks. Each week brought a new sensation and new developments within my body. E-mails flooded my inbox from baby sites, telling me what the womb was like for my growing fetus. It made sense that this blog, the journey of my vegan pregnancy, would be written in weeks.
Baby-life runs in weeks at first. Especially preemie baby-life. With them, even days are drastically different. Each day at the NICU alters the timeline of when they come home. They come home, and you still function day by day. A week is a victory.
My blog transitioned into life with my vegan baby, leaving the pregnancy aspect. I kept the weekly format; it still made sense, and I had a baby content to sleep long stretches in the Moby. And I didn't have to go to work. Everything changed when maternity leave ended. I had to simultaneously be a mother, a writer, a retail employee, an individual--and, a blogger. Mother always trumps all, obviously. The blog suffered. I tried to cram an entire months into one post--that was the only way I could manage that particular task.
I don't think it's working anymore, if it ever did.
So, I want to do frequent updates--once a week? Tallulah is having several experiences that warrant their own posts. She's much more aware and preparing to enter the world of solids--both of which mean she will be more involved in the vegan world. I feel like I'm more of vegan parent now, rather than your average sleep-deprived new mother. It's an exciting time, for sure.
For the last time, here's a quick run-down of an entire month. Condensed and brief:
April 2015: Life With A Vegan Baby
On April 1st, we took a baby wearing barre class at our local Blooma. I knew I wasn't in the best shape--but, geez, I was worse off than I realized! Tallulah loved it, especially when the mothers did push ups over their wiggling babies. She loves the face-is-far-then-it's-close game. We haven't done it since, but I have contemplated getting a pass of some sort. Blooma is a great place--tons of classes and mom-resources. Plus, they are super close to Vegan Vee. If you live in Nashville and haven't gone, you need to. They make treats that are both vegan and gluten-free. Vegan treats are usually delicious (sugar is sugar, after all)--I'm impressed with the gluten-free aspect. Their baked goods are ridiculously soft. A big rarity for anything gluten-free.
Every bunny's favorite holiday was in April. Some call it Easter, some call is Ostara. Both are centered around eggs and bunnies. We still have a few years to veganize the "egg" dyeing process, but Tallulah still had a very festive holiday. Her play-mat became jeweled in bunny ears, stuffed bunnies of all sizes, books on chicks and rabbits, and a plushy duck. These holiday gifts were the first ones she really seemed interested in. She took adorable photos at Christmas, but was still pretty glazed over. Now she rolls around wearing her ears and reaching for a bunny.
Speaking of which--did she first roll over in April? Or March? This is exactly why I need to post more frequently. She's a rolling champion now. Even if she still loathes tummy time for the most part. I think that's why she first learned to roll, to be on her back again.
I mentioned a writing project in prior posts. It's a project that combines my favorite identities--vegan, mother, and writer. I've been working on it and letting it percolate into something real. It has turned into a collaboration with my fabulous cousin, Becky. She is the founder/owner of One Lane Road, a screen printing business. She's taught at workshops and retreats, too. I would love to give more details, but you'll have to wait for that.
I experienced a loss in April. Brandy, my grandparents' cat, passed away. Tallulah was supposed to meet her on the California trip we have planned for summer. I lived with my grandparents when Pandora and I came together at the pound. Pandora was picked up at the vet, after being spayed, and taken back there with me. Brandy sat right by the cat carrier, waiting for her new friend. Pandora doesn't care for other cats. She came out, her back arched and baring her tiny teeth. Later that evening, she trapped Brandy in a motorized litter box. Brandy didn't get the friend she hoped for, not in Pandora anyway. I'm heartbroken that I wasn't able to say good-bye to her.
There it is. The last crammed post. I'm excited for the new format. I hope you are, too.
Baby-life runs in weeks at first. Especially preemie baby-life. With them, even days are drastically different. Each day at the NICU alters the timeline of when they come home. They come home, and you still function day by day. A week is a victory.
My blog transitioned into life with my vegan baby, leaving the pregnancy aspect. I kept the weekly format; it still made sense, and I had a baby content to sleep long stretches in the Moby. And I didn't have to go to work. Everything changed when maternity leave ended. I had to simultaneously be a mother, a writer, a retail employee, an individual--and, a blogger. Mother always trumps all, obviously. The blog suffered. I tried to cram an entire months into one post--that was the only way I could manage that particular task.
I don't think it's working anymore, if it ever did.
So, I want to do frequent updates--once a week? Tallulah is having several experiences that warrant their own posts. She's much more aware and preparing to enter the world of solids--both of which mean she will be more involved in the vegan world. I feel like I'm more of vegan parent now, rather than your average sleep-deprived new mother. It's an exciting time, for sure.
For the last time, here's a quick run-down of an entire month. Condensed and brief:
April 2015: Life With A Vegan Baby
On April 1st, we took a baby wearing barre class at our local Blooma. I knew I wasn't in the best shape--but, geez, I was worse off than I realized! Tallulah loved it, especially when the mothers did push ups over their wiggling babies. She loves the face-is-far-then-it's-close game. We haven't done it since, but I have contemplated getting a pass of some sort. Blooma is a great place--tons of classes and mom-resources. Plus, they are super close to Vegan Vee. If you live in Nashville and haven't gone, you need to. They make treats that are both vegan and gluten-free. Vegan treats are usually delicious (sugar is sugar, after all)--I'm impressed with the gluten-free aspect. Their baked goods are ridiculously soft. A big rarity for anything gluten-free.
Every bunny's favorite holiday was in April. Some call it Easter, some call is Ostara. Both are centered around eggs and bunnies. We still have a few years to veganize the "egg" dyeing process, but Tallulah still had a very festive holiday. Her play-mat became jeweled in bunny ears, stuffed bunnies of all sizes, books on chicks and rabbits, and a plushy duck. These holiday gifts were the first ones she really seemed interested in. She took adorable photos at Christmas, but was still pretty glazed over. Now she rolls around wearing her ears and reaching for a bunny.
Speaking of which--did she first roll over in April? Or March? This is exactly why I need to post more frequently. She's a rolling champion now. Even if she still loathes tummy time for the most part. I think that's why she first learned to roll, to be on her back again.
I mentioned a writing project in prior posts. It's a project that combines my favorite identities--vegan, mother, and writer. I've been working on it and letting it percolate into something real. It has turned into a collaboration with my fabulous cousin, Becky. She is the founder/owner of One Lane Road, a screen printing business. She's taught at workshops and retreats, too. I would love to give more details, but you'll have to wait for that.
I experienced a loss in April. Brandy, my grandparents' cat, passed away. Tallulah was supposed to meet her on the California trip we have planned for summer. I lived with my grandparents when Pandora and I came together at the pound. Pandora was picked up at the vet, after being spayed, and taken back there with me. Brandy sat right by the cat carrier, waiting for her new friend. Pandora doesn't care for other cats. She came out, her back arched and baring her tiny teeth. Later that evening, she trapped Brandy in a motorized litter box. Brandy didn't get the friend she hoped for, not in Pandora anyway. I'm heartbroken that I wasn't able to say good-bye to her.
There it is. The last crammed post. I'm excited for the new format. I hope you are, too.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Life With A Vegan Baby: March 2015
March started off cold. Single digits, frozen telephone wires, and work actually being cancelled. It was also the time we had our first repeat family visit, from my grandparents. They had the joy of seeing this new Tallulah that doesn't just sleep in a swing all day. Lucky them!
The second half of March was completely different. Spring, days where Tallulah went from wearing several layers to being able to just wear a onesie. We purchased our first baby sunscreen and sunhat. You know, life with a baby is much how March was. It doesn't take long for things to have evolved into something completely different from the starting point. One day Tallulah sleeps and sleeps and gives an ephemeral smile that you cant discern as gas or happiness, and then suddenly she's carrying a conversation with you. With the correct pauses and everything, even if her language is slightly incoherent.
We are in a new cycle of life with baby. One where the real parenting, and not just caregiving, begins. I'm stoked!
Baby-life:
Tallulah had a great time with her great-grandparents. She was happy to show them her roller coaster emotions and loved ordering them to carry her around. She debuted a new self at restaurants. Eric and I don't go out to eat with Tallulah very often, so we hadn't realized that her restaurant demeanor had changed. The old Tallulah would just sit, or sleep, in her carseat while everyone around her ate at a leisurely pace. The new Tallulah isn't having it. She doesn't want to sit in the carseat and she certainly doesn't want to wait for everyone. I had brought my cover to try and feed her while we were out. It can still be super awkward, and doesn't always work out as I hoped. Babies do get angry over silly things.
One "real-baby" situation we've been cycling in and out of is teething. When she had her tongue-tie revised, the nurse noticed her excessive drooling. The first sign of teething, she said. Tallulah acquired several more signs. Not always wanting to lay on her side to nurse, unexplained fussiness, and the latest one is her sucking on her lip and doing a pseudo-chewing motion. She's developing so quickly all of a sudden. It's really hard to keep up. She's laughed on a few occasions. One day things are hilarious, and the next they're a dud. She smiles all the time and laughs sometimes. I have a feeling the laughter will take over soon.
Her biggest developmental milestone in March was rolling over. Usually tummy-time is her just her lying there looking miserable. She isn't supposed to lay on her back too often, especially as she has a prominent flat spot on the back of her head. Now, tummy-time still isn't her favorite, but at least she'll lift up on her arms and look around before getting upset.
Her head-shape is something that sits in my mind and presents more problematic decisions. Her first pediatrician said she needed a helmet; the second pediatrician felt we were leaning in that direction but wasn't certain. She suggested craniosacral massage. We did meet with the helmet-doctors. The image broke my heart, thinking about her with this giant, awkward contraption stuck on her precious head. When they called with the news about the cost of the helmet being out of pocket, I was shocked. Nearly $3000. There was a recent British study saying that the helmets don't even really help and actually hurt babies' heads. Ugh--there is no obvious right answer. She did have craniosacral massage with a wonderful masseuse/nurse--and it looked like it helped right after. But her head is still pretty misshapen from a bird's eye view. A decision on the helmet will need to be made around the time she's six months adjusted, around May.
Tallulah has another (mild) advancement that is probably my favorite, her sudden awareness of her furry siblings. Pandora has been the recipient of many baby slaps and grabs. She's taken them all, not happily, but without any bites or scratches. I've been teaching Tallulah gentle, but I know she doesn't register it just yet. Never too early to start! Gustav has been a superstar in his interactions as well. To begin with, he continues to be pretty indifferent with her (now the toys are another story)--but that may be the best way for him to be. When he is really focused on something, he has a tendency to be too excitable and it becomes more challenging to keep him well-behaved.
At the end of March, Tallulah had her six month birthday. It blows my mind that half a year has already gone by. I'm sure the next six months will go by just as quickly, with her swift, daily metamorphosis not skipping a beat.
Mom-life:
While Tallulah became a quintessential, interactive baby, I started to become a person again--not just someone with the biology of a human, running on autopilot with the days blurring into each other. Granted, the days are still a bit blurry, but I am able to function more. It will always be taxing with a little baby to get household tasks done, going to work, and trying to fit in writing time--but, it's becoming a little easier. Like the other day, when I folded Tallulah's clothes and she was content to sit in her chair and examine her toys. Before, those things wouldn't have interested her and I'd be relying on spontaneous naps to get things done. Well, now her naps are a little more predictable too--and I'm not always tired enough to be sleeping during these times. Although, many times I am--and napping with Tallulah just creates more bonding time.
Life is a constant balance, between many worlds and my many selves. Pandora's regimen has increased to include fluids (on top of B12 shots, probiotics, nausea pills). Not only does that add another task to an endless list--but, have you ever tried to give cats fluids? I have been successful in getting her to take them a few times by myself, but it usually requires another person and we are always alternating needle sizes. Sometimes she wants fast and sometimes she wants a smaller needle. I never thought I could do these things, but anyone who knows me knows I would do anything for my Pandora cat.
My writer life gained another success. In January, I was told I would have another story published. It was published in March, on 100 Word Story. The writing side of my life has been working on another development, one that will blend my three main identities: animal activist, mother, and writer. I'm super excited to debut that project!
March brought Spring, which brought some much needed sunshine, which brought some outdoor walks for Tallulah and I. Eventually, I will reclaim my physical self. Eventually.
Vegan-life:
Nothing too earth shattering happened in the vegan world this month. Just the usual, not exploiting animals, you know.
The biggest highlight may have been when my grandparents were here. There was an ice storm and we had to stay inside most of the time. I made them a vegan quiche that I had been perfecting--and, they loved it. They are my hardest to convince sometimes.
Of course, there is this project I keep mentioning. I should have more information on that soon.
See you at the end of April!
The second half of March was completely different. Spring, days where Tallulah went from wearing several layers to being able to just wear a onesie. We purchased our first baby sunscreen and sunhat. You know, life with a baby is much how March was. It doesn't take long for things to have evolved into something completely different from the starting point. One day Tallulah sleeps and sleeps and gives an ephemeral smile that you cant discern as gas or happiness, and then suddenly she's carrying a conversation with you. With the correct pauses and everything, even if her language is slightly incoherent.
We are in a new cycle of life with baby. One where the real parenting, and not just caregiving, begins. I'm stoked!
Baby-life:
Tallulah had a great time with her great-grandparents. She was happy to show them her roller coaster emotions and loved ordering them to carry her around. She debuted a new self at restaurants. Eric and I don't go out to eat with Tallulah very often, so we hadn't realized that her restaurant demeanor had changed. The old Tallulah would just sit, or sleep, in her carseat while everyone around her ate at a leisurely pace. The new Tallulah isn't having it. She doesn't want to sit in the carseat and she certainly doesn't want to wait for everyone. I had brought my cover to try and feed her while we were out. It can still be super awkward, and doesn't always work out as I hoped. Babies do get angry over silly things.
Her biggest developmental milestone in March was rolling over. Usually tummy-time is her just her lying there looking miserable. She isn't supposed to lay on her back too often, especially as she has a prominent flat spot on the back of her head. Now, tummy-time still isn't her favorite, but at least she'll lift up on her arms and look around before getting upset.
Tallulah has another (mild) advancement that is probably my favorite, her sudden awareness of her furry siblings. Pandora has been the recipient of many baby slaps and grabs. She's taken them all, not happily, but without any bites or scratches. I've been teaching Tallulah gentle, but I know she doesn't register it just yet. Never too early to start! Gustav has been a superstar in his interactions as well. To begin with, he continues to be pretty indifferent with her (now the toys are another story)--but that may be the best way for him to be. When he is really focused on something, he has a tendency to be too excitable and it becomes more challenging to keep him well-behaved.
At the end of March, Tallulah had her six month birthday. It blows my mind that half a year has already gone by. I'm sure the next six months will go by just as quickly, with her swift, daily metamorphosis not skipping a beat.
Mom-life:
While Tallulah became a quintessential, interactive baby, I started to become a person again--not just someone with the biology of a human, running on autopilot with the days blurring into each other. Granted, the days are still a bit blurry, but I am able to function more. It will always be taxing with a little baby to get household tasks done, going to work, and trying to fit in writing time--but, it's becoming a little easier. Like the other day, when I folded Tallulah's clothes and she was content to sit in her chair and examine her toys. Before, those things wouldn't have interested her and I'd be relying on spontaneous naps to get things done. Well, now her naps are a little more predictable too--and I'm not always tired enough to be sleeping during these times. Although, many times I am--and napping with Tallulah just creates more bonding time.
Life is a constant balance, between many worlds and my many selves. Pandora's regimen has increased to include fluids (on top of B12 shots, probiotics, nausea pills). Not only does that add another task to an endless list--but, have you ever tried to give cats fluids? I have been successful in getting her to take them a few times by myself, but it usually requires another person and we are always alternating needle sizes. Sometimes she wants fast and sometimes she wants a smaller needle. I never thought I could do these things, but anyone who knows me knows I would do anything for my Pandora cat.
My writer life gained another success. In January, I was told I would have another story published. It was published in March, on 100 Word Story. The writing side of my life has been working on another development, one that will blend my three main identities: animal activist, mother, and writer. I'm super excited to debut that project!
March brought Spring, which brought some much needed sunshine, which brought some outdoor walks for Tallulah and I. Eventually, I will reclaim my physical self. Eventually.
Vegan-life:
The biggest highlight may have been when my grandparents were here. There was an ice storm and we had to stay inside most of the time. I made them a vegan quiche that I had been perfecting--and, they loved it. They are my hardest to convince sometimes.
Of course, there is this project I keep mentioning. I should have more information on that soon.
See you at the end of April!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Life With A Vegan Baby: February 2015
February was cold in Nashville. That may seem irrelevant to life with a vegan baby, but the cold really influences so many variables. Cold weather coincides with cold and flu season--poor Tallulah had an intense cold in January, that couldn't be shaken through a lot of February as well.
Cold weather means specific clothing and restricted time indoors. It means mothers never losing their baby weight and babies breathing a lot of indoor air. It means a lot of comfort food. It means the city shutting down for icy roads and incompetent snow-drivers.
It means we are ready for Spring.
Here's how we spent our February:
Baby-life:
Tallulah saw a different doctor in February, the doctor I had been wanting to see originally--but, because she's technically a nurse practitioner, preemies gotta go to an "official" pediatrician first. Our pediatrician was nice enough, but completely against everything we believed in. His solution for her weight gain issues after I went to work was formula--even though she gained weight perfectly fine when I was home and didn't like bottles anymore. How would formula solve that? He also ignored her tongue tie, even though it affected the efficiency of her nursing. It was definitely refreshing to go with our original choice. She does support my maternal decisions and offered a lot of advice that made sense. After seeing her, we were advised to get some probiotics and D3 into her system. As many fellow vegans know, D3 isn't typically a non-animal source and all children's D3 I found was from lanolin. Supposedly, if a mother takes in 8000IUs, that is enough to ensure baby gets enough. I'm currently taking Garden of Life's MyKind Organics D3. It has an odd taste that I'm just now getting used to.
Tallulah's weight has been such a focal point of our baby journey. I wonder if it would be this way if she had been born full term? We were having several appointments there for a while, with her cold and frequent well-checks, so we were able to be on top of weight. The appointments became fewer, so I bought a scale off of Amazon. It is such a relief to see exactly how much she takes in and to keep a close eye on her weight. Conversely, it is heartbreaking to see her gain when I am home and see it stagnant or slow on the days where I am at work.
February 12th was Tallulah's adjusted third month birthday. From the reading I had done, that meant she was ready for the beginnings of a schedule. I didn't know how to go about that. I would lay her in her crib for a nap (she still sleeps in her bassinet/with me at night) and she would just cry. One day, I went to pick her up after work and found her soundly napping on her babysitter's bed. Just. Like. That. I noticed the room was pretty dark, so at home I started closing her curtains. And she took a real nap. Too easy, you know?
One issue that Tallulah has had since birth was her tongue tie. Our original pediatrician disregarded it, but the hospital's lactation consultant and other nursing aficionados agreed that it could affect nursing, especially as she was older and trying to match my supply to her increasing demands. Getting the revision was a process. Several appointments cancelled due to misinformation and illness, but we finally had it done on February 19. The process was traumatizing. Watching Tallulah go through anything unpleasant is awful. The aftermath was even worse. She cried for two days and went on another mini food strike. Her second strike. I worried that I had made the wrong decision. I contacted a lactation consultant and gave her pain meds (both the conventional and the holistic). Plus, we did skin-to-skin with the moby for the entire day following the procedure. A few days later she was back to normal. Although, she is in the early stages of teething which creates more unpredictable nursing moments. And confusing baby communication. Sucking on hands can now be hunger or gum tenderness. Just when you think you have it down...The end of February sees Tallulah anticipating a Round Two visit from her great-grandparents.
Mom-life:
Mom-life can be challenging. Duh. I struggle to find writing time and to fit into anything halfway decent. My firstborn furry-baby's medical needs are increasing. I started writing a medical schedule in my phone just to keep track of the fluids and injections. Mom-brain is no joke, especially with so much going on. But, I love my babies and their well-being is top priority.
Early in the month, Tallulah and I went walking with a mom and baby from our childbirth class. It was great. Intellectual conversation and maybe burning something off. I cannot wait for some warmer weather. I haven't been able to walk Gustav in so long, because I can't take Tallulah with me. That will change shortly. To jump start my road to feeling like a human again, I got my hair cut. I wish it was colored too. I haven't had natural hair since I was eleven, and, honestly, I'm not a fan. Becoming a mom doesn't mean losing yourself. Tallulah wouldn't want that.Writing still seems to be on the back burner. I have this fabulous writing room that I rarely get to use. I have placed Tallulah on her play-mat, but that doesn't last too long. Besides, I like to be as engaged with her as possible when she is awake. My main writing time is during her morning nap, while I'm pumping. Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes!
Vegan-life:
I wish I could say we protested and made elaborate meals during February. I try to cook on my days off, but it can still be challenging to squeeze in food preparation between lengthy feedings. Wearing Tallulah is sometimes an option, although I think she is starting to get annoyed with the same settings. We're still eating a lot of quick meals and Vega smoothies.
We did begin the teachings of a vegan lifestyle. Our friend, Rae, gave us Ruby Roth's This is Why We Don't Eat Animals. (By the way, you can check out Rae's blog at Say it Ain't So. It's a gem!) I loved reading it to Tallulah. I am so curious and excited for when she can really interact and learn why we live this lifestyle. And, again, she is her own person and may choose to live how she wants--but, we will live this way for her childhood (much like others do with religion/morals/values they have). I have a hard time imagining her living another way, but I guess anything is possible.
Speaking of books, Tennessee has this AMAZING program where they give native Tennesseean children a book every month until they are five. Do you know who runs/started this program? The fabulous Dolly Parton. Double points of amazingness. Anyway, I've noticed that several of these books are accidentally vegan (like Oreos, ha!) One book discusses our Farm FRIENDS and the other has Forest FRIENDS. And the latest one is Goodnight, Gorilla, where Gorilla releases all his animal buddies from their cages at the zoo. Isn't is strange that children's literature teaches us that animals are our friends? Disney does this, too. McDonalds and other fast food places disguise these same friends as nuggets. Children culture is an interesting paradox. The other day, I saw a video online of a child questioning the consumption of an octopus. When his mom told him he ate chickens--after a long discussion about eating this octopus--the child freaked out and exclaimed, "I would never eat chickens!" I'll leave this February post at that. Think about it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Life with A Vegan Baby: January 2015
2015 began with us still getting used to balancing the trinity of baby, work, self. The challenge of full-time work and even fuller-time mom did lead to a debilitating cold. I missed several days of work, and I had just come back! I realized that I would need to rework this balance and ended up being granted the department I had coveted since working for my company. Of course the ideal would be to just write and be a mom, but in the world of corporate retail, I did pretty well. No more ringing up dead animals; I get to work in the most cerebral of natural foods retail. Plus, I have a more predictable schedule and am now only working four days a week. More time to mom and rest! Score!
Now to fill everyone in on our life during the month of January:
BABY:
Tallulah had her first playdate in January, with a little boy named Max. Max was born nine days after Tallulah, so it was interesting to see how she compared to baby's near her actual age. She was much smaller than Max, but showed an increased awareness. They were absolutely adorable together. Plus, it was nice to talk about mom stuff, too. It's funny, friendships used to be formed on bands and books and clothing tastes, now I'm finding a whole new group of friends based on our common state of motherhood. Although, the other stuff is still super important. Who says Joy Division and mastitis can't coexist in the same sentence?
We began attending a breastfeeding support group in January, called Weigh to Go. They weigh the babies before and after feeding, while offering tips, advice, and just general mom-to-mom conversation. The first time we went, Tallulah ate six and a half ounces--a gigantic amount for a tiny baby. Well, it was too gigantic. She threw up all over one of the lactation consultants and the room. Tallulah had been having a lot of issues with spit-up/throwing up. After that day, I could almost certainly deduce that it's from eating beyond her means.
The group was great for knowing weight and food intake, but also to really immerse myself in a nursing community. It's a foreign world to me and it was nice to hear that from other moms, while also hearing the experiences of repeat mothers. Plus, I was able to lose some of my insecurities about feeding Tallulah outside of the comforts of the chair and Boppy.
Feeding was a big theme for January. Tallulah's weight gain slowed considerably, which made me doubt both my skills as a breastfeeding mother and my decision to not supplement with formula. I obsessed over the months and actions and tracked down her feeding lengths and the intricate details of each changed diaper. I arrived to the conclusion that it was my leaving her for work that seemed to be the culprit. And her sudden aversion to bottles, which wasn't helped by me being gone for eight hour shifts. She would sometimes refuse the bottle nearly the entire time I was at work, resulting in frustration and concern for Eric, and a huge amount of helpless stress for me. Our pediatrician wasn't too helpful, only pushing formula. That solution seemed asinine to me--if she won't take a bottle how does forcing formula sound like a feasible solution? We started to track down new doctors. The lactation consultants also thought her tongue tie was to blame for the slow weight gain. We have made a few appointments to have that revised, and something keeps coming up. Hopefully by next month we will have addressed that. As for the bottles, we are at a point to where sometimes she takes them and sometimes she won't. I just have to know that when I'm here, I am to be constantly available. She never denies food from the direct source, even if she does pause during feedings to "talk" and smile.
Tallulah has really become an animated baby, with giant, contagious smiles and a language all her own. This is a super fun baby stage!
MOTHER-SELF:
Once work started back, my writer-self seemed to dwindle. I missed my own writing group in December and missed one in January. I was going to take Tallulah with me, but, as every parent knows, babies don't always follow plans. I used to write with Tallulah in the Moby, or during one of her many naps. Well, she's become a more aware, lively being--which means less naps and more interactions. I love being mom, but I do miss writing. Especially when I feel so inspired. I have learned to balance my motherhood with my writerhood as best I can--and that may mean writing time is restricted to thoughts, fifteen minutes during a pump session, or a few sentences sputtered out in a moment of blinding exhaustion. In a few weeks, I was going to try to lead Tallulah in more of a schedule with naps. That stage should mean I can arrange for some solid writer time.
My writer-self hasn't entirely disintegrated. I was notified of a second publication, which should be happening in the very near future. It was a much needed motivator, and reminder that I still exist as that self.
Another thing I miss is fitting into my clothes. I am eagerly waiting for spring and a chance to get Tallulah and I outdoors. My appetite has increased and because I'm nursing I don't want to go crazy with cutting calories. I know my diet has been too processed and erratic--that's what sleep deprivation and chaos will do.
With all of these thoughts and worries, I try not to stress too much. There will always be time to write and prepare greens and lose weight. There won't always be time to bond with Tallulah as she is at this moment.
VEGAN:
When reading this blog, you may forget that the whole point is: it's a vegan blog. Well, vegan babies don't differ too much from non-vegan babies. They all eat the same thing, and ethics and politics aren't exactly at the forefront of tummy time.
Tallulah was able to be a "real" vegan baby in January, when the circus came to town. Ever since living in Nashville I have protested Ringling Brothers every January. (Side note: Nashville is so great for making causes and arts accessible. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunity for these things in LA due to traffic and the welter of "stuff"). This protest was special. Tallulah had her first moment as an activist, passing out coloring books to children to educate them. She slept through the entire protest, but the experience was really beautiful. AND she wasn't the only baby there. I love vegan families and children. I wish I had discovered this lifestyle as a child!
I mentioned food and tight clothes in the mother-self section--well, here it is in the vegan portion. As my former posts and instagram photos will show, I love cooking. I especially love cooking from whole, healthy ingredients. I didn't start off as a healthy vegan (Oreos, cereal, and french fries were my original staples--hey, I was only eighteen). Health is incredibly important to me now--and I need to set an example to Tallulah. I have been ensuring to have more vegetables and brought back the Vega smoothie. I still make sure to make my raw-protein-coconut bars. I am diligent about my vitamins (Garden of Life's Mykind are my current favorites).
The path to normalcy isn't immediate, and that's okay. Bonding with a baby is important. Sleeping when possible is necessary. The other stuff will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. Until then, I have some cooing to interpret.
When reading this blog, you may forget that the whole point is: it's a vegan blog. Well, vegan babies don't differ too much from non-vegan babies. They all eat the same thing, and ethics and politics aren't exactly at the forefront of tummy time.
Tallulah was able to be a "real" vegan baby in January, when the circus came to town. Ever since living in Nashville I have protested Ringling Brothers every January. (Side note: Nashville is so great for making causes and arts accessible. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunity for these things in LA due to traffic and the welter of "stuff"). This protest was special. Tallulah had her first moment as an activist, passing out coloring books to children to educate them. She slept through the entire protest, but the experience was really beautiful. AND she wasn't the only baby there. I love vegan families and children. I wish I had discovered this lifestyle as a child!
I mentioned food and tight clothes in the mother-self section--well, here it is in the vegan portion. As my former posts and instagram photos will show, I love cooking. I especially love cooking from whole, healthy ingredients. I didn't start off as a healthy vegan (Oreos, cereal, and french fries were my original staples--hey, I was only eighteen). Health is incredibly important to me now--and I need to set an example to Tallulah. I have been ensuring to have more vegetables and brought back the Vega smoothie. I still make sure to make my raw-protein-coconut bars. I am diligent about my vitamins (Garden of Life's Mykind are my current favorites).
The path to normalcy isn't immediate, and that's okay. Bonding with a baby is important. Sleeping when possible is necessary. The other stuff will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. Until then, I have some cooing to interpret.
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