Vegan Baby: Weeks Twelve and Thirteen

Maternity leave is over. My hair seems to be leaving my head in clumps, either clinging to my hair brush or coiled around the tiny fingers of my baby. The times are changing, for sure.

Going back to work has been an adjustment. Obviously. On one hand, it is nice to interact with adults and be forced to actually look presentable. It's even kinda nice to have some sort of schedule to the day. Although, I would drop those benefits in an instant to be able to spend the time with Tallulah. Again, pretty obvious.

Returning to work means altering my life as a breastfeeding mom. It means a return to pumping. I had finally dropped most of those pump sessions and now I have to add them back in. If I work an earlier shift, it means waking up for the day when Tallulah is only waking up for an evening feed. It means sometimes getting up at 3:30 or four in the morning. It means an extremely exhausted mommy. My breaks consist of being in either someone else's office, or a tiny room closet-like room, hooked up to that dreaded machine. I really loathe pumping. It's definitely easier to be glued to a baby. At least there aren't a million parts to clean when she is nursing.

Work life has forced a lot of organization on my part. Do you know how challenging being organized is on minimal sleep? I do, now. I think this is where lists come in handy.

The last few days of my maternity leave brought a surprise for the non-mom me--I had my first publication. Twisted mini-tales of pregnancy and birth--kinda funny, considering they were written while I was goo-goo eyed for little Tallulah. I also worked on a side project during my leave that I hope I can reveal soon! It's a writing project that steers away from my usual literary realm. Stay tuned!

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Before Tallulah was born everyone voiced their concerns on how Gustav would act around her. Honestly, with some of his behavioral issues--I was a little concerned. We already have to keep him and Pandora separate. I was imagining even more barriers and gates and maneuvering to love all the babies. Gustav proved all worries wrong. He's not even that interested in Tallulah. He'll sniff and lick her, before going on his way. Pandora is another story. Remember, Pandora was my only baby and best friend for a while. She was here before Eric, Gustav...and Tallulah. She has really been struggling lately. I don't know if she realized how much time this baby would consume; she knows now. Pandora copes in her cat ways--by just trying to walk on Tallulah or shove her out of the way. I've been extremely conscientious about making sure Pandora feels extra love--but it is challenging when slogging through sleep deprivation and breastfeeding inertia. Soon, Pandora will get her longer quality time again. I hope she can be just a little more patient!

During pregnancy I became reacquainted with the processed vegan foods. Not a proud moment, but when I had aversions to so many things those items were a blessing. Now, with motherhood I want so desperately to take the easy route and fall on those items again. And sometimes I do, but I've really been trying to focus on things that are easy and make a lot of servings, while being full of nutrients. Sometimes it's green smoothies, other times soups. Both things are basically just throw in a bunch of veggies and eat. Christmas I'll be cooking more, even though it's much more tailored down than normal.

Tallulah is now considered six weeks adjusted and I swear she has smiled at me a couple of times. I feel like she is such a "real" baby now. I love it and am thankful for her everyday. She's the best Christmas gift.

Vegan Baby: Weeks Ten and Eleven

This journey is constantly evolving. Our next move is me returning to work, which is happening in five days. I don't want to believe it, even as I miss being a member of adult society. I'm sure I'll get over that quick.

It still feels so soon. Tallulah's preemie status has her being much younger than her actual eleven weeks of age--her adjusted age will only be about five weeks when I go back, and who leaves a five week old baby?? Me, because I have run out of funds.

My biggest issue with returning to work is that we had just gotten into our rhythm. We are breastfeeding successfully, having one longer stretch of sleeping (after we have a marathon eating session of two or more hours, and usually including one bout of puking), and she is looking at me with this new awareness. She knows me. I don't want to leave those watchful eyes.

When I was pregnant, I had this whole idyllic image of maternity leave. In my vision, I was writing with ease while flitting around performing my motherly duties. Oh, silly me. It's a lot more chaotic than that. A beautiful chaos and I'm grateful for every moment that I was able to utilize for writing or crafting or sleeping. I don't expect anything for when I'm balancing my mother-self with my writer-self with my working-self. It will be a challenge that I'll take as it comes.

The other big theme of this time is Tallulah's first Christmas. We picked up her first tree and met with Mr. Claus. She was able to wear her super cute little Ms. Claus outfit.

During the tenth week, Tallulah had to make a visit to the doctor for clogged tear ducts. Apparently, it is a super common baby problem--much like her umbilical hernia. At that visit we found out that Tallulah weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces. Her growth is slowly down a bit, but still right on track. We are dropping almost all bottles (except at night when she has her vitamins).

Preemies are expected to hit their milestones according to their due-date age. One milestone that I am eagerly anticipating is a "real" smile. There are several times where she looks right and me and flashes her gums, but since it isn't constant I'm still thinking those are adorable reflexes. Tallulah can, however, hold her head up when I'm holding her--especially when she's hungry.

We closed out our maternity leave and Tallulah's eleventh week with a visit from her Grandpa Bob, Eric's dad. He brought his fancy camera to take some stellar photos and helped Eric fix up things around the house.

I feel like this update read very list-like. I can imagine that once I am working, the posts will be less conversation and more straight-to-the-facts.

We'll see in week twelve.

Vegan Baby: Weeks Eight and Nine

I have achieved success! It has been two weeks since I have had to use the nipple shield. Hurray! I'm not as drenched in my own milk! That being said, I'm not yet at the level where I can feed without trouble. I still need all my amenities: my bobby, a certain chair or pillows behind my back, and somewhere to lift my legs. Breastfeeding brings focus to her preemie status--feedings take quite a while and she is starving after an hour and a half to two hours. We have only had a couple of instances where straight nursing satiates her for three hours. From what I hear, that is how the nursed newborn rolls. We still offer bottled expressed milk at night, with maybe a scattered nursing session here and there. Honestly, I don't feel completely confident with my nursing skills and the measured bottle assures me she is getting the proper amount of food. Although, I should just trust she'll let me know if she isn't.--and I should be jumping at the chance to get rid of pumping. I'm down to four pumps a day, from eight every two-three hours. We are definitely making some progress!

Tallulah had her two month checkup at the end of November. She was seven pounds and ten ounces, still gaining over an ounce a day. The doctor still supported the Similac formula that they've been pushing and some conventional vitamin--when I told him that she is just drinking milk and I have found my own vitamin, a natural one, he did look slightly surprised. Supposedly, those chemically-produced, animal-sourced ingredients are supposed to make her grow quicker. Yet, she is growing rapidly on the things I have chosen for her, based on my own beliefs and morals. One for vegan baby, zero for corporate medicine. Speaking of, the great vaccine debate. I don't make rash decisions and I have done tons of research, which only leads to more confusion. All the horror stories on either side are anomalies. Not every vaccinated child dies from the side effects and not every non-vaccinated child comes down with some archaic disease. Of course, we don't want to be the exception on either side--but I feel much better not sticking her with artificial ingredients, especially with a preemies compromised immune system. Parenting is full of loaded decisions.

Pandora had to make a visit to her own doctor, too. There is still speculation of hidden kidney issues--apparently, blood work won't show renal concern until less than 75% of her kidneys are functioning. She was losing weight again and had her second UTI in a few months. She was injected with fluids and we are back to twice-weekly B12 shots. Pandora appears to be doing much better, but I'm still concerned. She is definitely the first baby, and I am not ready to face her mortality. Not that I'll ever be, really.

In case you haven't noticed the excessive consumer frenzy and festive decorations spilling over society, the holidays are coming! Tallulah has now had her first Halloween (with maternal Grandpa), and now has had her first Thanksgiving with her paternal Grandma. Thanksgiving can be a vegan nightmare, but also presents several opportunities to show how great vegan food is. Later, this holiday will be perfect for teaching Tallulah our compassionate lifestyle. I have attended Farm Sanctuary's Thanksgiving event with my mom, where you feed the turkeys rather than eating them. I can't wait to take Tallulah to this one day. This year,  Eric's mom made an awesome vegan spread for Thanksgiving. It was nice to just focus on baby and chatting, rather than sweating and stressing in the kitchen. I did prepare dessert, as I can't completely stay out of the kitchen. Those desserts were made with a snuggled baby in the Moby. Baby demands do compromise cooking--again, making Linda's cooking that much more appreciated. Plus, I love it when non-vegan family members support the lifestyle. It's even more awesome when they hail from South Dakota, a state many remember as the one that kicked Joan Jett off the state float for her veganism and its conflict with the ranching industry. We ate all the traditional fixings--including a couple I hadn't had in a few years: from-scratch stuffing and green bean casserole. This breastfeeding mom ate two full plates. Um, making mom-milk burns a lot of calories. Not that my waistband is supporting that notion.

 

Post-partum weight brings me to the non-baby part of motherhood--the mom herself. Life with a new baby means squeezing in showers, eating crackers all day because the baby is on a feed-a-thon and that is all you can reach, and watching your hair fade to a lovely shade of orange swamp. Plus, engorged milk-boobs make it impossible to fit into any old tops. A reality I'll have to face for at least a year. That should spark a shopping spree, but who wants to shops when you weigh some ungodly number? Looks like I'm stuck in leggings and stretchy dresses. The days where I do get to spruce up a bit with a longer shower and a dusting of make-up feel extra special, and help to feel a bit more human. I've still been attending my twice-a-month writing groups, which also fosters my not-mom self. Of course, while I love these groups, I also find myself missing her the whole time. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I go back to work....in 13 DAYS!!?? Yikes. I don't even want to think about it.

During Week Nine, I was able to take Tallulah to a write-in, at The Porch's event. I love writing with her wrapped up. That won't last forever as she'll soon be too awake. Maybe one day we can write at side by side desks. Maybe. :)

Tallulah is now ten weeks and up to size one diapers, with some of her newborn attire getting awfully tight. Craaaaaazzzy.