Going back to work has been an adjustment. Obviously. On one hand, it is nice to interact with adults and be forced to actually look presentable. It's even kinda nice to have some sort of schedule to the day. Although, I would drop those benefits in an instant to be able to spend the time with Tallulah. Again, pretty obvious.
Returning to work means altering my life as a breastfeeding mom. It means a return to pumping. I had finally dropped most of those pump sessions and now I have to add them back in. If I work an earlier shift, it means waking up for the day when Tallulah is only waking up for an evening feed. It means sometimes getting up at 3:30 or four in the morning. It means an extremely exhausted mommy. My breaks consist of being in either someone else's office, or a tiny room closet-like room, hooked up to that dreaded machine. I really loathe pumping. It's definitely easier to be glued to a baby. At least there aren't a million parts to clean when she is nursing.
Work life has forced a lot of organization on my part. Do you know how challenging being organized is on minimal sleep? I do, now. I think this is where lists come in handy.
The last few days of my maternity leave brought a surprise for the non-mom me--I had my first publication. Twisted mini-tales of pregnancy and birth--kinda funny, considering they were written while I was goo-goo eyed for little Tallulah. I also worked on a side project during my leave that I hope I can reveal soon! It's a writing project that steers away from my usual literary realm. Stay tuned!
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Before Tallulah was born everyone voiced their concerns on how Gustav would act around her. Honestly, with some of his behavioral issues--I was a little concerned. We already have to keep him and Pandora separate. I was imagining even more barriers and gates and maneuvering to love all the babies. Gustav proved all worries wrong. He's not even that interested in Tallulah. He'll sniff and lick her, before going on his way. Pandora is another story. Remember, Pandora was my only baby and best friend for a while. She was here before Eric, Gustav...and Tallulah. She has really been struggling lately. I don't know if she realized how much time this baby would consume; she knows now. Pandora copes in her cat ways--by just trying to walk on Tallulah or shove her out of the way. I've been extremely conscientious about making sure Pandora feels extra love--but it is challenging when slogging through sleep deprivation and breastfeeding inertia. Soon, Pandora will get her longer quality time again. I hope she can be just a little more patient!
During pregnancy I became reacquainted with the processed vegan foods. Not a proud moment, but when I had aversions to so many things those items were a blessing. Now, with motherhood I want so desperately to take the easy route and fall on those items again. And sometimes I do, but I've really been trying to focus on things that are easy and make a lot of servings, while being full of nutrients. Sometimes it's green smoothies, other times soups. Both things are basically just throw in a bunch of veggies and eat. Christmas I'll be cooking more, even though it's much more tailored down than normal.
Tallulah is now considered six weeks adjusted and I swear she has smiled at me a couple of times. I feel like she is such a "real" baby now. I love it and am thankful for her everyday. She's the best Christmas gift.
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