2015 began with us still getting used to balancing the trinity of baby, work, self. The challenge of full-time work and even fuller-time mom did lead to a debilitating cold. I missed several days of work, and I had just come back! I realized that I would need to rework this balance and ended up being granted the department I had coveted since working for my company. Of course the ideal would be to just write and be a mom, but in the world of corporate retail, I did pretty well. No more ringing up dead animals; I get to work in the most cerebral of natural foods retail. Plus, I have a more predictable schedule and am now only working four days a week. More time to mom and rest! Score!
Now to fill everyone in on our life during the month of January:
BABY:
Tallulah had her first playdate in January, with a little boy named Max. Max was born nine days after Tallulah, so it was interesting to see how she compared to baby's near her actual age. She was much smaller than Max, but showed an increased awareness. They were absolutely adorable together. Plus, it was nice to talk about mom stuff, too. It's funny, friendships used to be formed on bands and books and clothing tastes, now I'm finding a whole new group of friends based on our common state of motherhood. Although, the other stuff is still super important. Who says Joy Division and mastitis can't coexist in the same sentence?
We began attending a breastfeeding support group in January, called Weigh to Go. They weigh the babies before and after feeding, while offering tips, advice, and just general mom-to-mom conversation. The first time we went, Tallulah ate six and a half ounces--a gigantic amount for a tiny baby. Well, it was too gigantic. She threw up all over one of the lactation consultants and the room. Tallulah had been having a lot of issues with spit-up/throwing up. After that day, I could almost certainly deduce that it's from eating beyond her means.
The group was great for knowing weight and food intake, but also to really immerse myself in a nursing community. It's a foreign world to me and it was nice to hear that from other moms, while also hearing the experiences of repeat mothers. Plus, I was able to lose some of my insecurities about feeding Tallulah outside of the comforts of the chair and Boppy.
Feeding was a big theme for January. Tallulah's weight gain slowed considerably, which made me doubt both my skills as a breastfeeding mother and my decision to not supplement with formula. I obsessed over the months and actions and tracked down her feeding lengths and the intricate details of each changed diaper. I arrived to the conclusion that it was my leaving her for work that seemed to be the culprit. And her sudden aversion to bottles, which wasn't helped by me being gone for eight hour shifts. She would sometimes refuse the bottle nearly the entire time I was at work, resulting in frustration and concern for Eric, and a huge amount of helpless stress for me. Our pediatrician wasn't too helpful, only pushing formula. That solution seemed asinine to me--if she won't take a bottle how does forcing formula sound like a feasible solution? We started to track down new doctors. The lactation consultants also thought her tongue tie was to blame for the slow weight gain. We have made a few appointments to have that revised, and something keeps coming up. Hopefully by next month we will have addressed that. As for the bottles, we are at a point to where sometimes she takes them and sometimes she won't. I just have to know that when I'm here, I am to be constantly available. She never denies food from the direct source, even if she does pause during feedings to "talk" and smile.
Tallulah has really become an animated baby, with giant, contagious smiles and a language all her own. This is a super fun baby stage!
MOTHER-SELF:
Once work started back, my writer-self seemed to dwindle. I missed my own writing group in December and missed one in January. I was going to take Tallulah with me, but, as every parent knows, babies don't always follow plans. I used to write with Tallulah in the Moby, or during one of her many naps. Well, she's become a more aware, lively being--which means less naps and more interactions. I love being mom, but I do miss writing. Especially when I feel so inspired. I have learned to balance my motherhood with my writerhood as best I can--and that may mean writing time is restricted to thoughts, fifteen minutes during a pump session, or a few sentences sputtered out in a moment of blinding exhaustion. In a few weeks, I was going to try to lead Tallulah in more of a schedule with naps. That stage should mean I can arrange for some solid writer time.
My writer-self hasn't entirely disintegrated. I was notified of a second publication, which should be happening in the very near future. It was a much needed motivator, and reminder that I still exist as that self.
Another thing I miss is fitting into my clothes. I am eagerly waiting for spring and a chance to get Tallulah and I outdoors. My appetite has increased and because I'm nursing I don't want to go crazy with cutting calories. I know my diet has been too processed and erratic--that's what sleep deprivation and chaos will do.
With all of these thoughts and worries, I try not to stress too much. There will always be time to write and prepare greens and lose weight. There won't always be time to bond with Tallulah as she is at this moment.
VEGAN:
When reading this blog, you may forget that the whole point is: it's a vegan blog. Well, vegan babies don't differ too much from non-vegan babies. They all eat the same thing, and ethics and politics aren't exactly at the forefront of tummy time.
Tallulah was able to be a "real" vegan baby in January, when the circus came to town. Ever since living in Nashville I have protested Ringling Brothers every January. (Side note: Nashville is so great for making causes and arts accessible. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunity for these things in LA due to traffic and the welter of "stuff"). This protest was special. Tallulah had her first moment as an activist, passing out coloring books to children to educate them. She slept through the entire protest, but the experience was really beautiful. AND she wasn't the only baby there. I love vegan families and children. I wish I had discovered this lifestyle as a child!
I mentioned food and tight clothes in the mother-self section--well, here it is in the vegan portion. As my former posts and instagram photos will show, I love cooking. I especially love cooking from whole, healthy ingredients. I didn't start off as a healthy vegan (Oreos, cereal, and french fries were my original staples--hey, I was only eighteen). Health is incredibly important to me now--and I need to set an example to Tallulah. I have been ensuring to have more vegetables and brought back the Vega smoothie. I still make sure to make my raw-protein-coconut bars. I am diligent about my vitamins (Garden of Life's Mykind are my current favorites).
The path to normalcy isn't immediate, and that's okay. Bonding with a baby is important. Sleeping when possible is necessary. The other stuff will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. Until then, I have some cooing to interpret.
When reading this blog, you may forget that the whole point is: it's a vegan blog. Well, vegan babies don't differ too much from non-vegan babies. They all eat the same thing, and ethics and politics aren't exactly at the forefront of tummy time.
Tallulah was able to be a "real" vegan baby in January, when the circus came to town. Ever since living in Nashville I have protested Ringling Brothers every January. (Side note: Nashville is so great for making causes and arts accessible. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunity for these things in LA due to traffic and the welter of "stuff"). This protest was special. Tallulah had her first moment as an activist, passing out coloring books to children to educate them. She slept through the entire protest, but the experience was really beautiful. AND she wasn't the only baby there. I love vegan families and children. I wish I had discovered this lifestyle as a child!
I mentioned food and tight clothes in the mother-self section--well, here it is in the vegan portion. As my former posts and instagram photos will show, I love cooking. I especially love cooking from whole, healthy ingredients. I didn't start off as a healthy vegan (Oreos, cereal, and french fries were my original staples--hey, I was only eighteen). Health is incredibly important to me now--and I need to set an example to Tallulah. I have been ensuring to have more vegetables and brought back the Vega smoothie. I still make sure to make my raw-protein-coconut bars. I am diligent about my vitamins (Garden of Life's Mykind are my current favorites).
The path to normalcy isn't immediate, and that's okay. Bonding with a baby is important. Sleeping when possible is necessary. The other stuff will happen. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. Until then, I have some cooing to interpret.
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