We live in modern times, folks. A woman is empowered. She can now do it all! (The "now" threaded with sarcasm. She's been doing it all. And if she was of a lower economical class, then she's really been doing it all, for a long while.). Prepare dinner, clean the house, diaper and feed the baby, and clock in to pay her own bills. In our perfect American idealist world this is a very modern phenomenon. I have to say, there are many days where I yearn for a Cleaver past. Where I could sweep with perfect pin-curls and be with my daughter from one sunrise to the next. My feminist psyche says it wouldn't be like this--I would be at the mercy of a man, expected to work for him. I ask her if she gets it, when we're clocking in for work. Doesn't she get that I want to work for motherhood (and writerhood)? That I want to solely be the writer-animal activist-mother that portray on social media? I never hashtag corporate-lyfe.
It's not part of my brand.
I've been fortunate, postpartum, to be able to balance my personal self and the self that pays mundane bills. I have been able to do a job centered around things I'm interested in, so even when I wish I was just a paid-writer/stay-at-home mother, I'm okay with what I do.
To a point.
I think a lot of mothers face this dilemma. What are our priorities? How do we balance our working-selves with our mother-selves? How does ambition fit into your life as a mother? I mean, I truly believe it is in our biology to feel torn. Mothers shouldn't have to leap back into the work force six, twelve, even 20 weeks after they give birth. It's the reason many quit breastfeeding (pumps kinda stop working, eventually. I'm faced with that issue now. Your body wants the baby!); it's the cause for stressing about childcare costs; it affects your ability to mother at times, because you are drained from the work schedule, tasks, etc. Sure, plenty of moms do it, and well, but working motherhood is not an innate instinct. Does it ever feel natural to stop your baby from eating because you'll be late for your shift? Does it feel natural to mold your baby's happiness and attention around a work schedule?
I'm not saying that once you're a mother, that is the only identity you have. I'm still a writer. I still am an animal activist. And sometimes it's nice to be with friends and be the pre-mom you. These other identities are easily shaped around motherhood. I write while she naps. I babywear at protests. Social time is planned around my baby's schedule. I haven't lost my ambition. In fact, after Tallulah, it has become stronger. My writing has flourished, and I have stuck to my writer-routine for the longest time since childhood. Going to work is different. It's a schedule mandated by corporate-heads and sales and regulations. Babies' schedules are shaped around the work schedule, not the other way around--and it's unnatural.
Europe gets this. They get that a new mother can/will return to her former work-self, just not when her child is a newborn. Babies need that time with their moms, and moms need the time to focus on that role. It's imperative to a developing baby and to her maternal esteem. But, we aren't there yet. We have to celebrate the employee pumping rooms and little time we are fortunate to have. These are successes, but not stretching far enough.
So, what is a US-bound working mother to do? Power through, waiting for school-age and the mom-child routine to become parallel? Quit her job and hope for the best? I do think there are other options. I've found a lot of success when I'm home working on projects, shifting the tasks around Tallulah's schedule. Maybe that's where my answer is. Or maybe not.
Working-mothers, how do you balance ambition/motherhood/out-of-home job?
No comments:
Post a Comment